Home Birth Part 2: How It All Went Down

{This post is a follow-up to Home Birth Part 1: Why?}

HOME BIRTH.

I DID IT. I mean, I survived it. :) My body did it. My “monkey” did all the work. (More on the monkey later…) I pushed myself to the very limits of what I THOUGHT I was capable of and I birthed a baby, all pioneer-style, in the very same bed that she was conceived in. It was AMAZING. Transformative. Terrifying. Beautiful. All the things I thought, and more than I realized it would be.

As the last few months of my pregnancy drew to a close, I started getting nervous about my choice to do a home birth. I wasn’t really worried about going to the hospital, or complications arising during the labor & birth. My amazing midwives had done a lot to reassure me about the process and I trusted that if something DID happen, they would know what to do and where to take us. I was mostly nervous that I would somehow lose my nerve and not go through with it. (In “The Business of Being Born”, Ricki Lake yelling “That’s my ride!” as an ambulance drove by her house, comes to mind)

In the end, I DID lose my nerve. Not in a “Take me to the hospital immediately!” sense, but I definitely lost my bravado. I’ve been through some tough experiences in my life, and I’ve always prided myself on just gritting my teeth and getting through them. This experience was different. There really wasn’t much room for mental fortitude as the contractions came quicker and harder. I had been faithfully practicing the Bradley Method relation techniques with Tim  for months before the birth and I was trusting that all the practice would get me through the experience. Everything I learned definitely came into practice during the labor, but in the end it was Tim who helped me most.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

saucybritches Dec 19, 2011, 8:45am via HootSuite

Just sent Elise to school. Possibly as an only child for the last time. #stuffishappening#preggowaffles

All day long, December 19th, I had contractions. Kind of strong, kind of not, all over the map, but definitely uncomfortable. I tried desperately to wrap up work projects.

I tidied up our bedroom/delivery room. I lumbered around like a cranky bear. I stared at my cankles with despair. I watched Gossip Girl episodes back to back. (I will always be grateful to Dan, Serena, Chuck & Blair for getting me through that day.) I talked to my midwife who encouraged me to “ignore those contractions until you just CAN’T ignore them.” Tim picked up Elise and took her to her Grandparent’s house.

I tried to ignore the contractions. More Chuck. More Blair.

I texted my Mom. More Serena & Dan. I texted my best friend.

I started to doubt my sanity. Maybe these weren’t contractions. Maybe… it’s just gas?

More Chuck. No, these are real. This is happening.

I felt guilty that Elise was away from home. Part of my motivation for a Home Birth was that I didn’t want to worry about her. I knew I wouldn’t be able to relax until my family was all under the same roof. Around 6 pm I asked Tim to get Elise and pick up dinner from Whole Foods. My contractions picked up considerably while he was gone. I could barely sit down during our dinner. (Dinner was a massive salad with loads of veggies, quinoa, chickpeas, spinach, and eggs for strength!) By the time Tim was putting Elise down for bed, I was pretty sure this was the real thing. I read Elise a book, kissed her on her head and called the midwives.

I lit a candle. I put on my labor/delivery playlist. I surveyed our bedroom. I meditated. I pulled out my Bradley worksheets. I steeled my nerves.

At 9:30 pm, our midwife’s assistant arrived and started setting up. I wish I could remember the order of events a little clearer, but my labor had picked up enough that I was mostly focused on getting through contractions. It wasn’t a long horrible labor. Things seemed to progress quickly and quietly. I had 1 midwife, and her two assistants attending the birth and they were all wonderful. They checked us periodically, spoke softly, brought us anything we needed, and let us labor on our own.

MY HUSBAND IS AMAZING. Like really. A LOT.

Tim was a fantastic birth coach. As the pain started to build, my brain turned to mush. I couldn’t remember our techniques. I found myself gritting my teeth and hunching my shoulders. He had to talk me through each contraction. He was so amazing at speaking in calm tones, creating soothing word pictures, and keeping me focused on my breathing. He reminded me of all the things we’d read and learned together.

At some point, when I was laboring, I heard him say… “Erin! MONKEY BRAIN!”

He was referring to Ina May’s “Let Your Monkey Do It” mantra.

Ina May Gaskin writes in her book, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, “Let your monkey do it” (pg 243). By this, she goes on to explain, she means that “Letting the primate in you do the work of labor is a short way of saying not to let your over-busy mind interfere with the ancient wisdom of the body” (pg 242).

I knew what he meant, but I remember looking at him and laughing hysterically. Our midwife looked at him quizzically and asked…”And what Bradley class did you take?”

As the night progressed, I found less and less space to rest between contractions and less relief in changing positions. I stopped cracking jokes between contractions, I stopped worrying about wearing pants. I sat on my birthing ball next to my bed muttering to myself like a crazy person. Sometime around midnight, I broke down and cried. “This is really F*@%ING hard!”

Between 1:30 am and Adele’s birth at 3:37 am, the midwives stayed by our side. They took turns supporting me and checking the baby’s heart rate. At 3 am, I was in the bathtub and I think for a moment we all thought I would deliver in there. At some point in the bathtub I just wanted to escape. I wanted to leave my body and just let someone do the rest of the work. I was EXHAUSTED. My arms and legs felt like jelly.

“I can’t do this! I can’t…”

Our midwives assured me that I COULD do it. I would do it. And it was too late to go to the hospital anyway. :) They helped me into bed and I proceeded to cry (cursing a little) and push with everything I had. It felt like mere seconds and then there was a HUGE relief of pressure and pain (and a flood of fluids — Sorry Yvonne!) and there was our baby.

Adele cried immediately. A big loud cry. From a big girl. (8lbs, 10 oz of fresh plump baby!)

I felt dazed. Exhausted. Ecstatic. Relieved. Accomplished. Enamored.

I fell in love with her as soon as I saw those chubby little cheeks. :)

The midwives quickly checked Adele as she lay on my chest. She was perfect. Perfect Apgar score. She latched on to nurse quickly and was eating heartily mere minutes after her birth.

Our midwives immediately set to work cleaning me up, cleaning our room, putting together some snacks for us, and letting us bond with our baby. They were everything I thought they would be. Calming, caring, comforting and considerate. They never told me what to do… they always asked. They gave us space. They allowed us to have the intimate birth experience we were looking for.

Elise woke just as the last midwife was leaving at 6:30 am. Tim brought her into our bed and showed her the baby. She looked over at me non-chalantly and said, “I watch T.V. for a while?”

And just like that… Our little family was complete. We snuggled into our king sized bed and began a new chapter in our lives.

I can’t stress enough what a positive experience this was for our whole family.

It was intense.

It was painful.

It was harder than I imagined.

But, everything about it was so gratifying and felt right for us.

Thank you to everyone who gave us support and encouragement along the way. A BIG Thank You to Community Midwifery for guiding us along our journey and being such a tremendous resource of information and support. To our midwife Yvonne & her assistant Chelsea — You two are awesome. Christmas cards for LIFE. XOXOXO

If any of you have questions about our Home Birth experience, please comment below and I’ll do my best to answer them.